Just to say...

Just a quick update to say I haven't forgotten about my blog, I haven't had internet for a while now.

Things aren't too different, I have a chest infection and the docs wanted me to have IV's but I'm waiting til Jan after I get back from Spain. I did get my passport back in time. WOOP WOOP! Going first thing Thursday morning, getting uber excited!

Just at my Mums at the moment having a 'first christmas' having a well good time, feels like real christmas and to think I still have the real thing to go! :-D

Anyway back to the party, will update properly as soon as I get back online...

Byeeeeees!!

Queen Elizabeth

Woop woop, I should have my passport next week! Cost over £15 extra in photo's, postal fee's and stuff but I should be getting there! Yay! I'm getting really excited again now, I was looking at the pictures that my Dad sent me of the new house and remembered there is a gym so I'm hoping to get a decent amount of fitness. I ran (well I say ran, most people can fast-walk faster than I can run) to go get my train yesterday (well Weds) and OH MY GOD!! And the worst bit, I still missed the bloody train! The next train was only a few mins later on the next platform across and some how I made that! I was pulling myself up the stairs by the rails.

Anyway this all brings me to my first transplant clinic at the Queen Elizabeth in about 18months, wasn't the best one I have ever had. I woke up late, I didn't manage to get sleep when I got back from town Tuesday and finally fell asleep just after midnight, slept over 12hours! Got my train to Brum with one min to spare and like I already said I missed my connecting train at New Street Station and when I got on the next one I was pretty breathless and the train was packed and very, very hot. Thankfully I only had to be on it for about 10mins but even so I was dripping with sweat (not exactly attractive) when I got off so I must have looked really weird walking round in the freezing cold with no coat on. Now has anyone been to the QE? It's a mental place, it's huge and they always seem to be building new bits. I walked round the corner to the hospital and was lost, straight away, I asked a woman if she knew where Nuffeild House was and she gave me directions which actually sent me nowhere near, then I asked this really nice lady and she gave me perfect directions but by this time I had been walking round for ages and quite was breathless but I was late at this point, inside Nuffeild House was like a sauna, even hotter than the train which set off my chest, took a while to get me checked in because I couldn't speak for coughing so the second my CF doctor clocked me she was talking about IV's. Any I think I did convince her that I'm not actually that bad, maybe need orals, but I think she is going to try and make sure she sees me next week at clinic rather than one off the SHO's. She said 'see you next week' more than once and something about seeing what my blows are next week.

Anyhoo! Away from the CF, the liver doc isn't too happy with my diabetes control but he is happy with the weight I have gained and the stability that that and my compliance has given me. He mentioned something about my bloods and I can't for the life of me remember the name of it but some level in my blood isn't good so he asked when I last had an ultrasound scan and it has been years so he asked my CF doc to book me in for one soon and check for a long word I can't remember and sent me for more bloods and dependant on the results I might need to have a biopsy just to see whats going on. I can't remember when I last had a biopsy, I've had 5 but all pre transplant and all under GA but if I do need a biopsy I don't think that would be a good idea as my liver kicked up a bit of a fuss last time I had a GA. Hopefully won't come to that though, keeping my fingers crossed. Good thing is that they got blood very easily which shows my port is defiantly giving my veins a rest, the QE have tried before to take blood out of my wrist just by my palm and out my foot! If anyone ever tried to put a needle near my wrist again they would regret it, I've had venflons in my feet before and they tried to put on in my leg about 2" above my ankle and that HURT and I let the doctor know, LOL!

Anyway I'm going off point... I missed the first train home! HAHAHA!

When I got back home I was shattered, got into a taxi and told them where I was going and the taxi driver actually said to me I was lazy and it was in that very moment I realized why they have that plastic screen, it's to stop people hitting arsehole taxi drivers. I mean if I want a taxi to 3 streets away then that means I don't want attitude I want a taxi to 3 streets away!



Sorry for the moaning, I've actually been in a well good mood today! :-D

I'm not a terrorist, I just wanna go see my family for Christmas!

Hmmm it's December so tis the month of Christmas! YAY!

I'm excited about Christmas, well I'm trying to stay as excited about it as I have been. I have been having problems with my passport, the application has been in for nearly a month now and I only found out today, well yesterday, my brain has shut down from lack of sleep, that my pictures are un-scanable and they have a problem with my address! Now I may be viewing this a little bit simplistically but if I had 3 pieces of contact information for someone, these been home address, email address and mobile number, and I was unsure if one of these was correct, the home address, then I would try and make contact through the email or mobile, but no they sent me a letter! How f**king clever?

Anyway the address they had for me was right so I don't know where my letter is! But even so I have my mobile switched on 90% of the time (and an answer machine as well) & I check my emails quite regular as well, I wouldn't think to send it through the method I was unsure about!

But that's by-the-by, I have new passport photo's done, and I'm them I am wearing bronzer, they said I was too pale, I mean that's nice to be told, that I'm too pale to go on my own passport! I also took my glasses off as they said they couldn't see my eyes properly as they were too thick (now I'm too blind for my own passport!) And the last problem with my passport photo is.... (and this 1 is the oddest) they can't see my ears!! Why, why, why??? I really can't see them asking me at passport control if they can see my ears!

Still as soon as town opens in a few hours I'm going to get another set of pics done (so if 1 set is wrong the other may be OK) and then send them to Peterborough and them cross my fingers and pray (and ring them everyday to find out whats going on!) I'm hoping to get all this done before about 10am so I can go to bed! I am so pumped on adrenaline about getting all this sorted I can't sleep, and I am very tired, I nearly fell asleep in Tesco about 9pm. I was sitting on the seats by the till waiting for my mum to finish and I was resting my head on the trolley and could feel myself drifting off but then some woman started yelling at her kid nearby!

I know I have really gone on about this passport but I love Christmas and for a good few years now I've been needing and refusing IV's till after NY although last year I started on 29th Dec so this year I was really looking forward to having a really good xmas than CF didn't put a damper on, it's the first xmas in years my Dad hasn't been working and it's Marcus' first xmas! So you can see why I'm so desperate to get it sorted.


OMG I'm watching Big Cook, Little Cook! I'm such a geek! LOL!

Winter is RUBBISH!

I wanted to keep this post seperate to the below.

I'm not loving the winter right now, it's bloody cold and I have a chest infection! BOO! I also had my rentinal screening done on Tuesday, I have mild changes to my eyes due to diabetes but I was told not to worry and should change back once I get my diabetes back under better control.

On Monday night Tori had a call for transplant but sadly the lungs where badly damaged so thats her 6th false alarm under her belt, fingers crossed for number 7!

An old friend of mine is coming back from London tomorrow, just till Saturday, so I am meeting her for a few hours in the afternoon. I haven't seen her in over a year and I wasn't too well last time I saw her so I think she will be quite shocked to see me carrying some weight and not coughing every other word! I'm sure she will shock me some how, probably turn up and she will have a blonde bob (she had long dark hair last time I saw her!)

Getting really excited about Spain now... just 4 weeks til I go! YAY!!!

R.I.P. Jo x

This post is to say goodbye to Joanne Dowling, 20th July 1984- 24th November 2009.


Jo was a fighter, she fought C.F. with every breath she took. She was so looking forward to life with her new lungs but she never got that chance. I always thought she would fight her way through anything until she got her new lungs, but sadly this wasn't the case.


Jo will be sadly missed by many, she was friendly, bubbly woman. She wasn't afraid of expressing her opinion and always stood up for herself but she was always there with advice or just a friendly word when needed.


She loved cake and Betty Boop, so on the day of her funeral I'm gunna have a big slice of cake and drink out my Betty Boop mug. I'm sure where ever she is now, she will be touched to know how loved she was and I hope she is dancing, free from o2 and all the restrictions her CF put on her body, with a big smile and a slice of cake.


Breathe Easy now Jo, you fought so hard, now it's time to rest. x

Food Fears

Right so I said in my last blog I would explain a little more about my issues with food so here we are. To look at me you would think I didn't have any, I'm a very healthy weight, just over 24 on the BMI and I have a large appitite. But the dietian showed me a list of the foods I eat and there was only about 10things on it. I should go on that freaky eating show. My diet consists of toast, cereal, pasta, cheese, crisps, popcorn, pizza, yogurt drinks, choclate, tinned meatballs and wholemeal pitta breads... really not a lot else and the other stuff I do, it's not often. It's kind of repetitive and although it's all high calorie it's not very nutrious.

The worst thing is that I hate trying new things and things I don't like I'm actually kinda scared off, I hate banana, tomato, beans, mushroom, fish... there are lots of other things but they are the first 5 off the top of my head. Even just thinking about them is making my stomach turn. If my flatmate makes something with beans on and it's my turn to wash up I have to leave it, I know nothing will happen if I touch the juice or even a bean but it's a big like OCD, I get the feeling that something bad will happen, when I was working at the Co-op I could only touch banana's is when they where ripe and as soon as they had black spots on or if the skin was slightly split I just couldn't do it! If something is banana flavoured I will throw up or if I can smell it I start heaving. Weirdly I used to love beans and bananas when I was younger, bananas til about 6 and beans a bit longer. I don't mind tomato juice or puree but the lumps or chunks is what makes me cringe there, I can touch the lumps or chop up tomatoes those but I couldn't put them in my mouth same with mushrooms, I can touch them but not put them in my mouth. Fish is the the weirdest because mostly I feel the same way as beans or bananas but sometimes I will get a craving for it and have to eat some then about an hour after eating it the 'fear' thing will hit me in a wave and start throwing up loads and loads.

Next weird thing is even food I like if I decide that it won't taste nice or isn't prepared how I would like I can't bring my self to touch it, this poses the most problems with hospital food, I'm so glad just by Heartlands is a McDonalds, Subway, pizza place, chippy and there a few other I never been to, so I get some exercise and still eat in one hit.

Trying new foods, this is actually getting slightly easier, I have tried a few things at the chinese and have tried pidgeon meat (well tasty actually) and roasted butternut (not so tasty). Most of these things though I will only try once and even if I like them will never eat them again! Plus if I look at things and decide I don't like the look of something I won't be able to try it because... well it's like a fear thing, I think something bad will happen! It's crazy I know!

Last thing, well it's not but last I'm going to write about, (this is turning into a long blog!) is cravings, if I get a craving for something then I have to have it, if I don't then I will sit and obsess about it till I have it, I've known me crave thing for days before I've finally given in or I would have gone insane and needed the men in the white coats! This bit is the worst bit to my diabetes control because even if I craved a spoon of sugar I would go crazy if I didn't have it! I have never craved a spoon of sugar though, custard is one I crave quite a bit though and Twix bars.

I have been working with my dietians for a few months now to try and help this, to start with they were just trying to get the weight on me but now it's on and stable they want to address it as my nutricion is shocking and they are concerned about just how limited my diet is. Still however bad my diet is now it's definately a step up from before my transplant when I hardly ate at all and I never tried new stuff at all and anything I didn't like got projectile vomited across the room! Hopefully one day I will be able to eat normally and touch foods and stuff normally like normal people, although I doubt I will ever be normal though!

Clinic

So clinic went well on Thursday. My FEV1 was up by 1% and my FVC was down by 5%. My chest sounded pretty good and weight was down by 0.3kg. I've been put on oral Trimethropin for 2weeks although I'm not 100% why, I only grew a light growth of Staph in my last sputum sample and no Psuedo or Aspergillus, I don't think I've ever seen Staph with light growth written next to it, I was happy when I saw moderate growth a few months ago! Still I'm not too bothered, anything to keep me well heading towards Christmas. I also have to email my dietitian everyday with what I eat, what creon I take and what bowel movements (sorry to mention poo in my blog again!) I have to see if I need to just adjust my creon or take something to erm... move things along! I also have a food fear thing to do (I will explain more about that in another blog, I'm too tired now) but she thinks it's really positive that I have tried some new foods!

One quick last thing before I go, I just found a spare filter in my eflow box and did a Combivent through it and I couldn't believe how quick it was, Mucoclear has seriously clogged up my filter and was making it take ages but I am keeping it just to do Mucoclear through so I don't ruin this one! I was ashamed to say that my compliance on nebs hasn't been amazing over the last few weeks because each one was taking at least 30mins! Anyway now I have my new filter will be doing them all again.

My 1st you-tube video!

Just a really quick blog. I've been putting this together for a few weeks now, my first ever you-tube video.





I have clinic tomorrow so will be blogging how all that goes then.






(quick edit to say that I got the idea for this video from Gemma (MissisGG) and 'The Secret Life of CF' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxhP3zPMiDA )

Issues and Tissues

I don't quite know how to explain this so bear with me... I've felt a bit weird these last few days, like my head is so full of thoughts it wants to explode. I don't feel the same now, it just seems to have melted away! I can't put it all down on paper (well laptop) because I can't really articulate whats swimming round my head that well, it's partially man things but that's not for this blog right now. Now something that I can give as a reason is people's attitude to life, I love my mates to death but sometimes their attitude drives me insane, I was talking to my flatmate (who is also my cousin) and we realised that even though we don't always see eye-to-eye we have the same life-is-too-short attitude. We share a lot of the same friends and they often hold grudges and the spend hours bitching over the same people and it's just like 'for god sake get over it!' I mean there is a lot of people I really don't like and I mean I really don't like them but day to day I don't even give them the time of day, if they piss me off I'll say what I have to say and then that's it! I just can't see where people have all this energy to be hating people, and the time, I'm not working at the moment and I couldn't find the time to dislike people this much, or maybe I could but I'd rather spend my non-CF treatment time doing better things! Next thing kinda sticking to the friend thing is that for some reason people think I'm agony aunt and that offloading all their problems on me is perfectly fine! Now I'm not been a grump here although it may sound it but I very rarely go to my mates when I have problems, probably less than once a month, but they always seem to be off loading their problems on me and although I do care it is hard to be caring when people are practically wanting me to live their lives for them and ringing me for advice on practically every decision bar what to use to wipe their arse with! Now I honestly can't see why they would want my advice for a start, I have a car wreck of a life and they just seem to call me at the wrong time, just as I'm about to start a neb or during physio. So the other day my head was so full of stuff swimming around and so when I woke up the other day with 5missed calls and had another 4 while doing my first neb I just turned my phone on silent and left it like that for a few days, my head was up my arse and I needed some space on my own to pull it out. That was a little bit of a rant but I needed to have it... sorry and I will breathe now! LOL

The other day as I was getting into the bath a wave of emotion hit me, I was thinking about different people who are waiting for transplants and how it's been nearly 10years since mine and a huge wave of tears hit me, tears of happiness for how lucky I was to be on the list for such a short amount of time and how well everything went after, tears of sadness for the fact that a family had to lose someone they loved so my family didn't, for the fact that there are so many people who never got the chance to have their transplant. Transplantation is such an emotive issue and I hope that most people never have to be on either side of the coin but at the same time I would hope that they would sign the organ donor register just in case the worst should ever happen!

Anyway now this post is going to take a complete turn around to Christmas! I am so excited already, my dad wants to spend it in Spain so he is paying for me to fly over on Xmas Eve and back here just after New Year. The past few years I have felt like crap at Christmas and been in Heartlands long after, mostly just into January, last year was on 29th Dec. This year I feel the best going into winter I have done for years though so I feel this is a good start!

Anyway I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open so this post ends here

Night!

No title, Just bits of my life!

Evening all,

So firstly I'm gunna send some love to my little brother Marcus, he is poorly with a chest infection, he doesn't have CF but Shelly still took him to the hospital and he has some antibiotics so hopefully he be feeling better soon. Was on the phone to my dad earlier and he said is was really weird because it brought back memories of when I was little and having chest infections, he said he was expecting the same antibiotics that I used to have!

I have my first coldsore of the winter but it's almost inside my mouth so I won't be able to stick on a compeed patch (I love those things) but it isn't really visable so not too bothered at the moment. Need to find something to treat it with though so it doesn't spread. But still this is very, very good, I had my first one in September last year! After I had my transplant I had a big outbreak of viral herpes which covered my lips and about half a cm around them. I really hated it, was a big scabby, bloody and puss filled mess, and I was actually glad I couldn't go into school or shops! I was told that the infection would lie dormant in my body and flair up whenever I was ill or rundown. Luckily it's never been as bad as that since but I do get quite a few, normally in the winter, but I did have one in May this year. Weirdly this one I don't feel ill or rundown, in fact I feel pretty damn good!

Yeah feeling good, I was doing my physio yesterday and beforehand I did a deep breath in and out (just to see if I could feel where my sputum was) and as I was breathing in it just seemed to go deeper and deeper, as I reached where I felt I would usually be 'full' I just carried on and felt like I got about a quarter more again in! It felt AMAZING!!!

Of course my body does like to put it's own little dampner on things so my belly decided to play up and cause me a lot of pain that night. All because I ate some cheesestrings! To be fair I did eat them a bit late but still I took creon so don't know why it had to kick up such a fuss but I was awake til 6.30am with cramps and a sicky feeling, NOT HAPPY!

I have been trying to grow my nails, I have bitten them since I was little but I do find it a little disgusting so am trying to stop, haven't bitten them for 3days now and the pics below where taken after 2days, and this IS an improvement on before even though they are stupidly short, they are a bit longer again now though. The thing is that the longer I don't bite them for the more disgusting I find the idea of biting them as I have to continuously clean dirt from under them! If I keep it up I plan on treating myself to a manicure just before xmas!

Hmmm I do have some others things I want to post about but they are going to have to wait till tomorrow as I am knackered and can hear my bed calling 'Kate, come here Kate, lie down on me Kate and pull that duvet over you!' LOL.

Night all x

Still Un-named!

I have realised after how many months of having this blog I still haven't got a name for it! I'm thinking I should really think of one before the end of this month now, any suggestions in the comments box please (and thank you!)

Good times!

So I had a really good clinic on Monday, my lung function is the highest it has been since 'the big drop' I had last year. Last year I lost just under a litre of lung function in a short amount of time and I've really struggled to get it back, well I haven't completely but this is the closest I have been so really pushing for that extra 0.19litre now! It has made all the hard work really worthwhile, I will definately be keeping up all the extra physio now I've seen the results! Oh and my weight is the highest it has ever been, BMI of 24.3 now, so I'm aiming for over 25 so I can say I'm overweight!

Went out for Halloween last night, was quite good, I was sober and most of my mates were really drunk which was funny but at times got a bit annoying cus they was all trying to kick off. I saw John and we had a little chat, was a little weird but he was sober (not like him at a weekend!) so I know it wasn't just beer talk which was nice.

My friend Kirsty is in town for the weekend, she moved to Grimsby about 5years ago an I haven't seen her for nearly two years even though we always talking on facebook and MSN so I am waiting for her to text me and let me know they are ready and then going to go meet her and her brother, well they are coming to pick me up!

Kevin Bridges

This guy is hilarious! Well I think so anyway!

My horrible bruise

It HURTS!!!

All in a spin!

Morning!

So I finally have a washing machine, I've just finished my second load of washing and about to stick in a 3rd! Been the sad act I am I have taken pics of the old one after I pulled it out, but before I disconnected it...

and the new one, doing the first load...

I think I may be a little over excited about my washing machine. LOL!

Anyway in non-washing machine news my sickness seemed to have gone yesterday and so far today although I did bend over just after eating yesterday and sick came into my mouth! Ewww!

Ooh I will finish my update later cus I just got an offer to go for lunch and as I have no nice food in my fridge/cupboards I'm off! :-D

Belly's gonna get ya!

OK so going to get the poo bit out the way first... my mate did have worms, mate and partner have both been treated for worms, I have been checking my poo still and no worms for me (although on a completely disgusting side note I realised I swallow way more sputum than I thought!)

So anyway from the subject of poo, my belly is still playing up in terms of feeling constantly sickly... I am still eating but lots less and not enjoying any of it... it's really annoying me as I normally enjoy food so much, it's a very big part of my life and right now it feels like such a chore, I was at my GP's today sorting a few things out and was trying to get some anti sickness but they won't prescribe me any without a drug name from Heartlands, fair enough I suppose, my GP is generally very good for prescribing stuff if I ask but with such a long list of repeats they don't want to give me anything that hasn't been OKed by the hospital in case of possible drug interactions. Still I only have a few days left till clinic so I will ask them then.

Other bit of exciting news (well exciting to me anyway) is that I am getting a washing machine Wednesday, suppose that's technically tomorrow, after my old one been broken for about 3months. This will mean no more weekly trips to my mums with a suitcase full of washing, YAY!!! I just have to work out how to unwire (it's in my bathroom so can't just be plugged in, has to be wired into a power breaker) take all the plumbing off and drain the water out! This is if I can actually move the bloody thing!

What a load of poo!

Good evening all!



I'm starting to get rather good at updating this more than once a month! So the rest of my IV's went fine, on the last dose the Tobramycin syringe got blocked again, was pretty much the same point as before (30mls left) so was no panic that time! Still on Trimethropin for a few days but my lungs feel quite good atm, got clinic on the 26th so will see how things are then.

Past few day my belly has been playing up, was throwing up last night and have felt quite sick today with naughty bowels! I'm making sure I have plenty of fluids at the moment and having those probiotic drinks, hoping I feel right as rain in a few days, although I am a little worried as one of my friends has described something rather dodgy going on in their poo, like little white bits that move! Now I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks anything that moves should not be in your poo! So as I saw this friend only a few days (just before I started throwing up) ago and they where complaining of stomach pains when I saw them (I'm been very careful not to give away gender here, I don't know if any of my mates read this and wouldn't want to embaress this person as they told me in confidence) so I'm now a little paranoid and keep checking my poo but thankfully although it's disgustingly loose there is definatly nothing moving in it!

Anyway now I have left you all with wonderful mental images of mine and my friends poo I'm going to bed!

Home Sweet Home

So I did go home on Friday was discharged at about 5pm and my dad didn't get there to pick me up until approx. 7.30pm so I spend 2 and a half hours in the day room but I didn't care because I was going home! Went to Big John's for a pizza on the way home, I swear if it was closer to the hospital they would have the fatest CF patients, a 9" pizza costs just £2.99 and it's so lush! Anyway talking of fat CF patients my last weigh in at the hosp was 62kg on the dot. This is an increase of about 3.5kg since the start of my IVs and a crazy 15kg since the beginning of the year!

I had a bit of a nightmare with my afternoon IVs today. Everything was going well until nearly half way through my Tobi and then it all just stopped saying it was blocked, checked the line nothing, wiggled my shoulder a bit and tried again, still nothing rang the hospital they said to try flushing it and put some Heparin through which went through but once I hooked it back up to the Tobi pump it was still nothing so tried again and again the flush and Heparin went through fine. Take it in mind this is only my second lot of IVs through my port, first set of home IVs in about 3 or 4 years and my 3rd of home IVs through my port so I was getting a bit worried, you here hear nightmares about ports that only last a few months! Rang Heartlands again and they suggested as the flush was going through then to try taking the Tobi syringe out the pump and pushing through a few mls before trying again and for some reason the syringe wouldn't push (until I pushed really hard and managed to lose about 4mls in the process) and then once I hooked it up it was fine but I have used up my spares of Heparin so I hope I have no more problems!

Spent a mad weekend helping my cousin organize a charity indulgence evening for Monsoon and their charity The Monsoon/Accessorize Trust, which included a fashion show. So I did the music for the show, helped to sort out the models timing and helped to sort out there accessories, all in all it was a wicked success, managed to smooth over the small problems pretty well and raised £280! And I managed to get my eyebrows waxed for free. I have used all my energy for the week though so planning a few chilled days as I felt pretty rough Sunday after I got home!

Anyway off to bed now, Night Night!

Wii fit and firefighters!

So I'm kinda shocking at updating this. Oh well!

So my current home is room 11, ward 26 at Heartlands hospital although I should be going home tomorrow... please cross your fingers for me! I've only been here a week but I really want to go home, for once it's less to do with been bored here but having so much stuff I'm missing out on at home! (but I am pretty bored as well) Anyway it was written in my notes today that I'm fine to do home IVs so should be all good to go tomorrow. I'm adding in Trimethropin (sp) tomorrow to deal with my Staph as that was all that was showing in my last sample!

Have been in the gym with the physio today and went on the Wii fit, so much fun, I think I will have to stick it on my Xmas list (yeah I'm thinking about Xmas, even got a few small presents!) Did a few different things but I think the hula worked my lungs best in a shorter time, two min's is long enough for that, I also did an 11 min jog but had to keep stopping to get my breath back. Anyway I can't wait to get it as I wanna try the yoga and more stuff!

Ha ha, I slept through a fire alarm today, apparently it went on for ages and firemen were on the ward and everything! Not 100% sure what it was for, something to do with a funny smell coming through the vents, don't know if they meant burning, gas or something else but they set the alarm off to get it checked out. Wasn't anything to worry about in the end but it did worry me a little that I didn't hear it, I have been awake for the drill before and it is very loud, louder than my smoke alarm at home! If I can sleep through that then would I wake up if I had a fire at home? Would prob be a crisp!

Shelly has posted some pics of kids on facebook and Marcus is sitting up in one of them, on his own! And eating baby rice... my baby brother is growing up (even though he is only 4 months! LOL) I really missing them but can't go over right now as I haven't got a passport or any money! Shelly really wants to come over at Xmas to take advantage of the January sales so will get to see them then!

Anyway Neb's and physio aren't going do themselves so I'm off, will fill you in on my life again... erm... at some point in the future! LOL

Passion

Was flicking through you-tube and came across this Damien Rice video, it reminded of the first time I saw it, on the BBC and, I don't know how to fully explain it but, despite loving music before seeing this, this performance seemed to switch me on to the passion of music and how it can (and I don't mean to be corny here) feed your soul. I love Damien Rice, he seems to perform like his life depends on it! The song isn't a favourite, although I do really like it, but I thought I would share it and my little story about it and what it means to me!

You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went.
You can swear and curse the Fates...
... but whe it comes to the end...
... you have to let go.

No IV's... YAY!!

Well as the title says my clinic appointment went better than expected. My LF is quite stable despite my chest infection so I'm just on orals for now. My FEV1 was up by 0.03L and my FVC was down by 0.1L. My weight has gone up a little to 57.2kg so the dietitian is happy for me to stay at that weight now as I'm finding keeping my weight stable a lot easier. My SAT's where 94% which is a little lower than my normal! So I'm on Ciprofloxcin for 2weeks and have to go back in 4weeks instead of 6 and call them in 2weeks if I'm not feeling any better!

They collared me about the blood test I didn't have last clinic, I kinda ran away before they got me last time but there was no escaping it, it was quite painless though, first attempt! Had my 3rd port flush which actually kind of hurt rather than just uncomfortable for the first time, I then went shopping which probably wasn't the best idea with lifting my arms up and down trying on tops, I have now spent the last of my birthday money but i do have lots of stuff. I think my fave purchase was a black and white stripy t-shirt with a rope belt which I wore yesterday as a dress, it cost a whole £3.99 from H&M! I plan to pop in and get in a few more colours when I go back in 4weeks! I very often think it is very dangerous that I have to walk through the Bullring to get from train station to bus stop that takes me to Heartlands! I was a little annoyed that I had to wait for nearly an hour for a train back to Rugby because I had to get a Virgin train because I had brought the cheapest ticket! Quite luckily though my Mum rang me about 5mins before getting to the station and she came and gave me a lift home, still managed to be out the house for about 8hours, just under 2hours spent shopping so that's 6hours getting to and from clinic and been at clinic! That's not even going on the ward to see anyone! I really wanted to go to this comedy night that night but I was so tired I came in and collapsed on the sofa for the rest of the night but I spoke to the landlords son yesterday and he said it wasn't as good as the first one so hopefully will get to the next one!

Last night I went and got a kebab and only ate a little bit cus it tasted a bit funny and then today I really wish I had not eaten any of it! Have only had liquid all day, mainly fortisip and vanilla milk, but still feel quite sick! Feel really hungry now so going to go make a sandwich and try and keep that down, don't want to start losing weight just after a good visit to the dietitian! And then I thinks me and Ugly Betty (series 2, thanks to my flatmate for my bday present) have a date with my bed!

He who is without sin...

So I didn't ever expect to win any popularity contests after me and John split but it's all starting to get me a bit down now. After I got beck from Spain things seemed to be settling down but it all seems to be flaring up again! Everyone seems to think I'm emotionless because I can look at situations with logic. It's hard to explain properly as there is stuff I just won't put on the Internet but basically when Shelly and my dad brought the kids over John sent me a text to ask if he could see the kids (which didn't get chance to in the end) but it started a text conversation between us and well, like I say I don't wanna say too much online but basically he wanted to meet up and see if we could get back together because he misses me and stuff and I basically don't think it's a good idea to get back together, I know things just wouldn't work, it's all too messed up and even though my heart says go for it I'm going with my head. It might not be the easiest thing but it is the right thing but I just can't make him see where I'm coming from he just thinks I never loved him, which just isn't true. If I could take all this sh*t back and put things right between us I would but I just know when things have gone to far to save...

So, me and my flatmate went over to Coventry for a night out for my birthday and invited 30people and not one turned up! We booked an Ann Summers party for my birthday and had to cancel because we had one confirmed guest, last night some else had an Ann Summers party and nearly all the people who weren't coming to ours went to hers! I know this may sound a little paranoid but I just know it all has something to do with the whole John thing. Again there is more that I could say to make all this a bit clearer but I don't want to put it all online. I'm sure that (aside from a few people) when people are talking to me it's like they are just trying to find out stuff, what I'm doing with my time, who I'm spending it with, just so they can gossip further.

Anyways over the past few days I have been finding out some stuff about people and the things they get up to and it's kinda pissed me off as it seems like I'm been made to feel like a piece of crap on someones shoe when other people aren't getting any grief for doing stuff just as bad! I know one person is sleeping with 2people who are both in relationships with kids, I know one person is possibly pregnant just 3months after coming out of a 5year relationship and she is already seeing someone, I know someone who is having a affair behind her husbands back although she is getting shit for this now its all starting to come out! Anyway aside from the lat example these and some others are the ones that have made me feel like shit over the past few weeks and it just seems that because the fire they are playing with is outside our 'friendship' group then it's OK to do anything but because I do something closer to home I get treated like a complete piece of dog poo! (I know I have done wrong though and I hold my hands up to it, I've held my hands up for the past 2months)

I kinda want to just run away and start my life over again but then at the same time I think f**k it! Why should I? I was born and bred here and I'm not going to let people make me run away or hide away in my flat because they have nothing better to talk about than other peoples lives or talk about others wrongs to distract people from their own! So to those people I stand up and say 'He (or she) who is without sin cast the first stone!' and I highly doubt one stone will come my way!

I'm 24!!

OK I have realised I am actually shocking at updating this blog...

So since I last updated my cold has gone onto my chest, BOO! I have an appointment at Heartlands next week and I am pretty much due some IVs soon, I have been having IVs every 3/4months for the last year and now it's been 4months.

I am now 24! Have had a wicked birthday week so far, things got changed and instead of been here for the weekend my dad, Shelly and the kids came over Monday and went back today. Sadly I still missed my goddaughter birthday party as she had a stomach bug and didn't want to risk catching it! Anyway she liked her present so that's good. Apparently as the plane landed and just stopped Sofia took her seat belt off, stood up on her seat and shouted 'Kate, I'm here!' So cute, I'm really missing her especially already. She turned round to me at the airport and said 'I will miss you Kate' and see calls me 'my Kate' We took her down to see my mums horse and she wouldn't get on him till I would, now this visit to the horses was completely unplanned and I was wearing a sundress, I borrowed some joggers off my cousin but was still wearing my gladiator sandals and got on the horse... I think I am very lucky to have toes left! Lol! We had a BBQ last night which was really nice. My uncle came down and I hadn't seen him for quite a while so it was really good.

I haven't got any of the pics sorted yet but will stick a few on when I get them.


I was meant to be going shopping with Shelly but as I haven't been sleeping well at the night time because of coughing I have been sleeping mainly from about 5.30/6.30am til midday and even that is very off and on. it's starting to get really annoying because I am tired, I get to the point where I feel dizzy and faint through tiredness but I just start coughing again!
I think I may go over to Coventry soon though with my birthday money! Primark here I come!

I need a rest before I go shopping though! A very busy week + not sleeping + chest infection = exhausted! And shopping exhausted is not the enjoyable experience that it should be!

Anyway hopefully with post some pictures tomorrow!

Meh

I have a cold and feel pretty crappy today, I just want to go back to bed! I can't however as my flat looks like a bomb has hit it after last night me and my flat mate spent about 2hours doing a charity shop sort out, OK well truth is SHE spent 2hours doing the sort out and I spent 2hours sitting on the sofa telling her what suited her still, what didn't and robbing all the stuff that was too small for her! Also I have to go for a family meal tonight for my Nan and Grandad's Golden Wedding. I am looking forward to that though, I don't really see my Grandparents as much as I should, escpcially as they are my only living set (I had 3, the best bit of having 2 dad's!). We are going to a local pub where we went for my Nan's birthday and it's quite nice, classy but not snobby and not too pricey! I need to go and find some sort of present for them today which could be a little difficult as they are very, very different... definately a case of oppisites attract! And I am on a very strict budget at the moment! I will find something though, I'm fab at buying gifts!

Right now just to find the energy to do it! LOL!

Oh some good news is that this weekend, My dad, Shelly and the kids are coming over to England for the weekend but shhhh! it's a surprise, my auntie doesn't know and we are planning to surprise her by just turning up at her house! CAN'T WAIT!! Only bad bit is I will have to miss most of my god daughters 4th Birthday party as we are having a family BBQ that day and as I am the only person other than my dad and Shelly that Sofia knows it will help if she gets tired as she doesn't really like strangers if she is tired!

A Few Pics

These are random pics of me, Sofia and Marcus!

I'm BACK!!

As the title says I'm back from Spain... will update properly, maybe with some pics soon!

What Have I Learnt? (Part 2)

OK next part in all this...

Right so where I left this was after I had told John that I had kissed his brother, right well now everything has been blown up out of proportion and every time I have spent more than 3seconds with his brother has been interpreted as us having some sort of affair and it's just not true! I can see why they may think it, neither me or his brother have exactly been angels in the past, but it's just causing John more hurt by making him think I've been having an affair with him.

So anyway I have decided to go stay at my dads for a few weeks so sunny Spain here I come! Now I didn't have the holiday time at work to do this is so I have quit my job which is a little scary but I need to do this to get my head straight and sort my life out! I think I may look into college when I get back, I really love learning but don't have many qualifications because I had my liver transplant bang in the middle of my GCSE's so I am going to look into courses at my local college, any way will see what happens, I just need to make some changes. It's all just going quite fast, I'm just hoping my head catches up soon as at the moment I don't know whether I'm coming or going!

John has pissed me off in one sense in that he thought he would ring my mum and tell her the whole story and some other stuff, I can't believe it, I just think it's a little childish, kinda like kids going 'I'm going to tell your mum on you!' And then today he went round there, my parents weren't in but it has annoyed me! Basically I had my step dad's fathers day present on order which was due to come the weekend afterwards (last weekend) and John paid for it at the time but the day before he went to pick it up I gave him the money for it, he had picked it up on the Sunday after the kiss and he decided to take it round today but had to leave it with my brother but seriously why? I know he is pissed off and upset but that was MY present for MY dad! What was wrong with giving it to me with the rest of my stuff? I know compared to the rest of it he has so much more to be pissed off about but I just can't see why he wants my family involved! I'm not the sort of person who goes running to my parents every time I have a problem, I like to deal with things myself, yeah I would have told them about the whole situation when I saw them but not got them involved in anyway! Oh well it's done now but if he goes round or rings them again I will have to say something to him about it!

I'm going to start sorting out some stuff tomorrow and start getting his stuff back to him, and also going to give the teddies he got me with hearts saying 'I Love You' to the charity shop as they just seem to be staring me in the face at the moment (they are on the shelf at the end of my bed). Found the card he got me for our year anniversary and it was a little emotional, I really didn't want things to end like this.

What Have I Learnt? (Part One)

Right you know when you where at school and you sat in the lesson learning and as you learnt things you thought you would never forget them, then fast forward and you need to recall the lessons you have learnt and POOF! it's disappeared!

Right well this is what I'm like with life, I make mistakes think I've learnt from them but then when put in same/similar situation I make the same mistake all over again! Apart from this time I've f**ked it all up for a lot of people!

I am now single once more and it's a very complicated situation which I will go into more later but I have really hurt John, I doubt he will ever talk to me again all because I can't open up so I f**k up! I've caused a load of crap within his family and as a lot of our friends are mutual I feel a bit lost. I kind of want to talk about it but when I went on facebook for about 15mins last night I got wound up with everyone asking me 'are you OK?' 'What happened?' The thing is a lot of the people that kept asking I'm sure they already know stuff but just wanna get the gossip! It's kinda pissing me off, the situation is bad enough without people doing Chinese whispers and blowing it all up to lies!

Basic outline is that me and John had been having arguments and then rather than talking about the underlying stuff we just said sorry and papered over the cracks, this had been going on a few months and each time it was getting worse and worse. I should have just walked away then but no, Kate can't do that! Then at the weekend it all came to a head, we had gone for a few drinks and had an argument and then as I'm drunk as soon as I look at alcohol I stupidly kissed the first person who was nice to me afterwards! Worst thing was is that it was his (step)brother and now it's tore everything apart. John is devastated and has told me he wants all his stuff back but he doesn't want to see me to get it back, he wants the engagement ring back as 'he isn't wasting £370 on someone like you(me.)' His brother has had to leave town as he was living with his dad and step mum (John's mum and step dad) and they have kicked him out and he hadn't long moved here and doesn't really know anyone apart from family here (who would rather hit him than put him up)

Anyway I don't have time to finish all this now so will do part 2 soon.

No, I haven't forgotton about this blog!

Hey, just a very quick update as have come round to my Mum's to use my brothers laptop, there is something wrong with mine. Not sure why but it's so slow and not all things will load up! Grrr!

Anyway whats new with me, well I had a lovely 11days in Spain and was topped off by the fact my baby brother, Marcus Lewis Charles, was born whilst I was out there (7lb5oz), I got to hold him at less than two hours old, it was quite overwhelming. Sofia loves him and loves helping her mummy out with him. Was a completely natural birth (not even gas and air) which I'm pretty proud of Shelly for!

Got back and a quick trip to Heartlands showed a bit of a drop in lung function (66% to 59%) so I'm back on Cipro and Trimepromin (sp?) and now finally 2days before finish I am starting to feel loads better. The cough swab I gave them in May came back clear somehow... gave 5mls sample this time so if don't grow anything in that then I will be very happy! Can't wait to finish the Cipro because the weather is lovely and shock, shock I have started to burn on it... this is not something I am happy about, I'm having to wear long sleeves and boil to death, by the time it's out my system will prob be raining again, it's Sod's law.

Not much else is happening in my life at the moment! Oh actually John's brother is now a daddy to Jamie Dominic, also very cute (and big! 9lb7oz!) thankfully for her she had a c section!

Well that's all for now... my brother is probably going to start moaning at me in a minute for being on here!

All Jumbled Up!

Right I'm going to start this post by saying it is going to be very random and (as the title says) very jumbled! I'm kinda using this post like the pensive in 'Harry Potter', somewhere to put my thoughts, look back over and try to make sense of them!

I've been thinking about my transplant a lot lately, and that so many people don't get their transplant and after seeing that little Ethan Collins passed away so soon after his transplant (RIP), it's just made me feel so lucky about mine, I obviously knew I was so lucky to have mine so soon but it's just really seems to have hit me just how lucky I was. I was on the list just 4weeks!! Home with in 14days and apart from a problem 2months later (a reaction between my anti rejection and antibiotic) I haven't had major problems and not even a hint of rejection in over 9years! I just wish everyone would sign the donor list... in an ideal world hey!

Now a few weeks ago when I was on IV's the euro millions jackpot was really high John made a comment that if we won he would buy me some new lungs. The weirdest thing is without even thinking I said 'I wouldn't want them, I'm happy with these for now!' and it's really got me thinking, I never thought I would defend my little lungs but even though they offer a home to undesirables they do still push through and keep me going. They aren't the best but for CF lungs they definitely aren't the worst! I just felt like I had to defend them even though normal I slate them myself! I think I may post about this on the CF forum, see if others have stood up for their lungs no matter how crappy they are!


Really not happy about this chest infection, and there is no denying I have one now. It's kinda given me a love/hate relationship with my port, before I went in for it I felt pretty fab and was feeling loads better after just a few days of orals and didn't really need IV's other than for the fact of it been inserted! Even though it's probably not really to do with the port I just haven't felt as good since, I've been on orals for a week tomorrow and I feel no better and I'm finding work more tiring than when I started back last week. I'm so used to bouncing back from everything, hmmm... I really can't add up my feelings about this, what I should be feeling and what I am feeling. I don't know!


I looked after my 8 month old goddaughter today and picked up her older brother from school (at the end of the road) she was so good and sleep most of the time but it was still so exhausting and then having to go to work after was awful. I felt really shattered and made mistakes. It has (this might not make sense because I really can't think how to word it) put things into a kinda head over heart situation for me. Just lately we have been thinking, with my LF going up and stuff, maybe children in the future where a possibility and now today has made me realise that I wouldn't be able to cope. It just hurts, I know girls who just get pregnant for more benefits and I'm not saying they don't love their kids but they just seem to take having kids so much for granted and... I really can't find the words to finish this, my head won't match words to what I feel and what I'm trying to say :-(

Urgh!

Went to clinic today, lung function was down by 0.01Litre but (and I don't quite understand it) something to do with my weight going down by 0.5kg (think I've lost fluid weight not proper weight) means that the FEV1 has gone up by 1%. All these figures confuse me! So some of the signs (increases in sputum which is lots stickier and greener, bit more rattlely in chest, general crappy and tired shitty feeling!) are pointing towards another chest infection but 0.01 down isn't much to cough at. Was really really productive this morning and cleared loads of crap of my chest, gets to hospital and... NOTHING!! Ended up doing a cough swab, walked out the hospital not even half way across carpark I coughed and up came huge lump of sputum, how typical? Have brought home a sample pot for next time to do in the morning! My last sample was apparently clear though but both me and my doc think there wasn't enough in the sample, mainly just spit rather than actually having bug free sputum! Anyway I have some Cipro and if i still feel like this in a few days to start taking it, think I prob will, wanna be as close to 100% as poss for my holiday and really don't want IV's when I get back! Not very happy about it though, only finished IV's on the 1st, normally manage 4-6weeks after IV's before I need orals so 2 is pretty pants.

Went to primark and got some really funky neon stuff for Sat night, it's a mates 21st and we are going out in compete neon overload, it should be pretty cool apart from a few people are planning on going out with water guns, now we did this a while ago, I got soaked, got an infection and needed IV's so if people do bring them out and they so much as point them at me I will stick the guns where the sun don't shine! I have been looking forward to this holiday since I found out Shelly was pregnant and nothing is going to ruin it! (God that makes me sound a bit spoilt and 'I want everything my way!' I'm not, Honestly!) Anyway as I was paying for my stuff I had a ickle coughing fit in the queue and the girls behind me stepped back and started talking about swine flu! Even said about me touching the rail after I'd covered my mouth with my hand! I nearly told them it was OK I didn't have swine flu so they where 'safe' but then one of them gave me a dirty look so I didn't, let them get all paranoid! I think people are really going stupid over the whole swine flu thing but on the plus side I have noticed people are thinking more, at work not one person coughed without at least covering their mouth (normally it's straight in my face!)

Work... now there is a subject, 26days off and 2days back and it's been a struggle so far, even though it's only 3hours per shift they have been really exhasting me! Now one of my problems is that when I'm on IV's I nap, normally one late-morning/noon and one about 7pm and I work 5-8pm so 2hours in and my body is wanting it's nap. I always have this when I go back to work and it sorts itself out after a week or so! But I have also been having a general tiredness and major probs concentrating, have made quite a few mistakes, prob more in 2days than I normally make in a few months. I'm really hoping it doesn't last long and I start feeling more normal soon!

Anyway talking of tiredness, I've had a long day and need my bed so goodnight!

xx mwah xx

Port pics

Port a few hours after been put in...



Port now (3weeks later)...

I think it's healed really well and from a distance can't even see it!

And waiting! Lol!

Well still no Marcus... she has had a show (I only found out what that meant the other day!) and head is engaged but still not come out!

Went to the gym today to see the trainer, was meant to go last week but I was naughty and cancelled! Anyway it was to sort out a new routine because for a bit while port settles, I'm not allowed to do cross trainer, bike crunches, the plank, power plates or any cable weights which left me with bike and treadmill totalling 25mins! I do like my new routine although it is possible I will die of exhaustion half way through! Even my strengthening and toning floor exercises have an element of cardio-vascular!

Go back to work tomorrow, which lazy Kate doesn't want to do but bored Kate can't wait for... plus I miss the girls, anyway as of tomorrow I am Princess Dolly again! (although technically it's later today! I must go to bed soon.)

Saw a lovely doctor at my GP's today, can't really say what made her so lovely, she just was. Forgot to take my sharps bin with me though... again! It has been full for about a month now, will try and remember to take it with me to hosp on Thursday although I might get a few looks on the train, oh well if I add in a few sneezes and oinks I might get a carriage to myself! Lol!

Very close to holiday now, really can't wait now, so much crap has been going on which I won't bore you with on here but 10days away will really help me relax and sort my head out while away from all the shit. Still gotta come back to it though :-(

And still waiting...

There is still no sign of Marcus... Shelly's waters still haven't broke and she is still having contractions every 5 mins! This has been going on for a week now! She isn't very happy at the moment!

Come on little man, hurry up!

Waiting and waiting!

So on Thursday afternoon I got a call from my Auntie saying that my dad's girlfriend, Shelly, was having contractions every 5mins but her waters hadn't broke. So we were all hoping that she would have the baby on Friday as it would have been my Grandma's birthday (1st May) and would have been nice as it is the only grandchild she didn't get to meet (well Sofia as well but she is my dad's step daughter) but anyway baby Marcus seemspretty laid back and comfy in there still but wants to be a bit of a pain in the arse! LOL! So just waiting for a phonecall from Espania to say that things are 'moving along!'

Got discharged on Friday, FEV1 was 2.08 which was 65% not my usual post IV increase but better than nothing and it's still going in the right direction! Anyway my liver tests are even better now so hopefully at my next outpatients appointment they will be back to normal. Am starting to get a bit worried about two lumps I have on my stomach though, both where I have recently injected my insulin, and they are quite sore, I noticed the first one Friday around 6pm and the other one this morning. Going to ring my diabetes nurse tomorrow, naturally though it had to happen on bank holiday when she was off for the long weekend!

Went to the Spring Fair today and it was kind of cool in a pretty crappy way! Went on a few rides but after been knocked around on them my shoulder was a little sore where my port was so went a had a few goes on the CF tombola and had a chat with the people running the stall, turns out they know my dad's cousin and her son who also has CF.

Anyway I am ending this post with a RIP to Kevin Wright who was stabbed to death last May Day bank holiday aged 20. (I can't legally put that he was murdered despite the fact he was stabbed 5times! Hmm thats the UK justice system!) Anyway I didn't personally know Kevin but I know his brother (who was also stabbed that night along with his uncle) and we have alot of mutual friends and he is very sorely missed.

Rest In Peace Kev.

Hola!

Well hello, I have logged in to this about 10times in the last few weeks but end up reading a load of other blogs and then logging out!

I'm writing this from room 14, Birmingham Heartlands Hospital which has been my temp home for the last 12days and I should be back at my perminant home on Friday! YAY!

So I have my port now, didn't really go as well as hoped but nothing too major. Firstly wasn't put in the vein they where orginally going for, secondly the GA really knocked the shit out of me, until the Thursday was mostly sleeping, was on alot of anti-sickness and still throwing up any water I drank and just the thought of food made my stomach go on spin cycle. Had some blood tests, also three bags of IV fluid and a scan to find out why I wasn't going to the loo (which as soon as she pressed the scan thing into my bladder made me need the loo!) Took quite a few more days for bowels though, had a little food on Thursday and starting eating more Friday, now (with anti-sickness) I'm eating about normally and with the help of multi-fibre fortisip all toilet habits are back to normal! Anyway got the blood test results back and my liver tests were not very good, had already stopped oral Flucloxacillin as they thought that might be something to do with sickness as I had problems with sickness while having it on IV's. Had tests redone the other day and the levels have already halved but are still classed as abnormal at the moment, going to have it redone again tomorrow and see if I need a liver scan. Keeping my fingers crossed at the moment that it's all going to go back to normal!

Having my lung function done tomorrow. Was meant to have been done today but because I have had blood in my sputum they want to wait, and not having Dnase or acapella at the moment. Getting fustrated with it now because I've only been on it four days out the last 12! It's not going to help with my compliance with it as it's hard to keep routine! When I look and think that a year ago I had very little compliance and now it's so much better but I do struggle sometimes and stuff like this can knock me back. When I say I had very little compliance I mean pretty much no treatment, only took my anti-rejection and the odd neb when felt tight! Last October things came to a head when I got back from my holiday and went into hospital days later with a huge drop in lung function and weight and since have been needing IV's a lot more since. I seem to have been lucky in that I've realised in time and started to get my act together before too much damage has been done, my FEV1 on admission was back to 2L (64%) and I have gained just over 10kg which has helped my lungs. I'm not sure why having a good weight is really helpful in CF (something to ask the doc!) but it really does help with lung function. I feel I have lost alot of the fitness I was slowly gaining before I came in but will start working on that when I get back home. Like I said I should be home Friday, just depends on lung function and liver tests. Anyway I have decided to postpone the walk as it's meant to be two weeks on Sunday and I just haven't got the time or energy to sort everything out and actually walk for more than a few mins! It's kind of a shame as I wanted it to be at the end of CF Week but I'm looking at probably July now, or maybe even August. We will have to see how my health goes, thats one of the most annoying things with CF, you plan something and look forward to it and then CF decides to mess it all up!

Been reading some blogs (Sally-Anne's, Gemma's and Jo's) and they seem to be talking about 'Twilight' books and someone wonderful bloke but can't remember his name. And I'm kind of wondering what it's all about so methinks I might have a search on t'internet! See what this hype is all about! I have finshed reading 'P.S. I Love You' whilst in here and now started 'If You Could See Me Now' and so far it seems OK but have only read a chapter so far. Have also been watching 'Ugly Betty, Series 1' in here, well to be fair I was so bored I watched the whole series in just under 2days! Think I need to rent series 2 when I get home!

Anyways I'm off to sleep because I will have a physio in my room in a few hours sticking a neb in my face! I much prefer to do physio in the afternoon and evening when I'm fully awake!!!

Oh just remembered the reason I named this post 'Hola!' I have my flights booked to Spain now and we are going to be staying in the city now instead of next door to my dad as Shelly will more than likely be in hospital and my dad going back and forth will leave me and John stuck in the urbanizacion with no car or spend most of holiday stuck in the hospital (not my idea of a holiday! Spend to much time in UK hospitals and just because they are Spanish hospital don't make them more fun!) Anyway just really looking forward to it, don't think my port will be healed enough to go in pool but then it's not till the 26th so might be, see what happens!

Poor, sore and in need of insulin!

Am rather short of money at the moment in general, then I get a big shock when I opened my payslip from work to see £51! Have lost 2days pay for hospital appointments! Now where I work I get a certain amount of paid hospital appointments per year so to not be paid for them this week was not good! I use my DLA to pay my bills (apart from phone, mobile phone and internet!) so I could have been OK with £50 as I'm paid up with my bills, but this week I have to go to the hospital and that costs me £15 it's my Mum's birthday and I have very little food and a very big appitite! My Mum's dead good though and don't get offended so long as thought has gone into a prezzie!

Went to the gym yesterday, walked there and was just about to go in when I realised I hadn't got a padlock for my locker so walked all round the 2 retail parks and Tesco's (which doesn't sell padlocks!) finally got hold of one but by this time I feel like I've already done a workout! Still did the workout, really pushing myself and then walked home and then went to work which was very busy... not my best idea really... felt like poo by the time I left for work, lungs hurt at work and feel asleep on my mum sofa after, changing my sheets before I went to bed I actually gave up and left the duvet cover off! Still I slept very well and last nights and today physio has been very productive! My muscles are quite sore and slightly jelly like today! Been doing lots of stretching and it's lots better! Just need to remember that I'm not superwoman just because I feel better than I did a few months ago, walking quite fast on the treadmill at the highest incline is past what I'm capable of at the moment! Anyway going to go again Saturday and take things a little easier on the treadmill. Least I don't have work after either as well!

Had a look in the fridge earlier and realised the insulin pen I am nearly finished is infact my last not the last in its box but thought I had another box, tried to ring the repeats number to find... it doesn't excist anymore! Grrr! So this means going into my docs tomorrow and sitting around waiting for a doctor to have time to write a script then go everywhere looking for a pharmacy that is open on Good Friday! Double Grrr! Really don't know how I managed to get so low. Going to have a full search of the flat anyay, I might have half a pen somewhere!