He who is without sin...

So I didn't ever expect to win any popularity contests after me and John split but it's all starting to get me a bit down now. After I got beck from Spain things seemed to be settling down but it all seems to be flaring up again! Everyone seems to think I'm emotionless because I can look at situations with logic. It's hard to explain properly as there is stuff I just won't put on the Internet but basically when Shelly and my dad brought the kids over John sent me a text to ask if he could see the kids (which didn't get chance to in the end) but it started a text conversation between us and well, like I say I don't wanna say too much online but basically he wanted to meet up and see if we could get back together because he misses me and stuff and I basically don't think it's a good idea to get back together, I know things just wouldn't work, it's all too messed up and even though my heart says go for it I'm going with my head. It might not be the easiest thing but it is the right thing but I just can't make him see where I'm coming from he just thinks I never loved him, which just isn't true. If I could take all this sh*t back and put things right between us I would but I just know when things have gone to far to save...

So, me and my flatmate went over to Coventry for a night out for my birthday and invited 30people and not one turned up! We booked an Ann Summers party for my birthday and had to cancel because we had one confirmed guest, last night some else had an Ann Summers party and nearly all the people who weren't coming to ours went to hers! I know this may sound a little paranoid but I just know it all has something to do with the whole John thing. Again there is more that I could say to make all this a bit clearer but I don't want to put it all online. I'm sure that (aside from a few people) when people are talking to me it's like they are just trying to find out stuff, what I'm doing with my time, who I'm spending it with, just so they can gossip further.

Anyways over the past few days I have been finding out some stuff about people and the things they get up to and it's kinda pissed me off as it seems like I'm been made to feel like a piece of crap on someones shoe when other people aren't getting any grief for doing stuff just as bad! I know one person is sleeping with 2people who are both in relationships with kids, I know one person is possibly pregnant just 3months after coming out of a 5year relationship and she is already seeing someone, I know someone who is having a affair behind her husbands back although she is getting shit for this now its all starting to come out! Anyway aside from the lat example these and some others are the ones that have made me feel like shit over the past few weeks and it just seems that because the fire they are playing with is outside our 'friendship' group then it's OK to do anything but because I do something closer to home I get treated like a complete piece of dog poo! (I know I have done wrong though and I hold my hands up to it, I've held my hands up for the past 2months)

I kinda want to just run away and start my life over again but then at the same time I think f**k it! Why should I? I was born and bred here and I'm not going to let people make me run away or hide away in my flat because they have nothing better to talk about than other peoples lives or talk about others wrongs to distract people from their own! So to those people I stand up and say 'He (or she) who is without sin cast the first stone!' and I highly doubt one stone will come my way!