What Have I Learnt? (Part 2)

OK next part in all this...

Right so where I left this was after I had told John that I had kissed his brother, right well now everything has been blown up out of proportion and every time I have spent more than 3seconds with his brother has been interpreted as us having some sort of affair and it's just not true! I can see why they may think it, neither me or his brother have exactly been angels in the past, but it's just causing John more hurt by making him think I've been having an affair with him.

So anyway I have decided to go stay at my dads for a few weeks so sunny Spain here I come! Now I didn't have the holiday time at work to do this is so I have quit my job which is a little scary but I need to do this to get my head straight and sort my life out! I think I may look into college when I get back, I really love learning but don't have many qualifications because I had my liver transplant bang in the middle of my GCSE's so I am going to look into courses at my local college, any way will see what happens, I just need to make some changes. It's all just going quite fast, I'm just hoping my head catches up soon as at the moment I don't know whether I'm coming or going!

John has pissed me off in one sense in that he thought he would ring my mum and tell her the whole story and some other stuff, I can't believe it, I just think it's a little childish, kinda like kids going 'I'm going to tell your mum on you!' And then today he went round there, my parents weren't in but it has annoyed me! Basically I had my step dad's fathers day present on order which was due to come the weekend afterwards (last weekend) and John paid for it at the time but the day before he went to pick it up I gave him the money for it, he had picked it up on the Sunday after the kiss and he decided to take it round today but had to leave it with my brother but seriously why? I know he is pissed off and upset but that was MY present for MY dad! What was wrong with giving it to me with the rest of my stuff? I know compared to the rest of it he has so much more to be pissed off about but I just can't see why he wants my family involved! I'm not the sort of person who goes running to my parents every time I have a problem, I like to deal with things myself, yeah I would have told them about the whole situation when I saw them but not got them involved in anyway! Oh well it's done now but if he goes round or rings them again I will have to say something to him about it!

I'm going to start sorting out some stuff tomorrow and start getting his stuff back to him, and also going to give the teddies he got me with hearts saying 'I Love You' to the charity shop as they just seem to be staring me in the face at the moment (they are on the shelf at the end of my bed). Found the card he got me for our year anniversary and it was a little emotional, I really didn't want things to end like this.

What Have I Learnt? (Part One)

Right you know when you where at school and you sat in the lesson learning and as you learnt things you thought you would never forget them, then fast forward and you need to recall the lessons you have learnt and POOF! it's disappeared!

Right well this is what I'm like with life, I make mistakes think I've learnt from them but then when put in same/similar situation I make the same mistake all over again! Apart from this time I've f**ked it all up for a lot of people!

I am now single once more and it's a very complicated situation which I will go into more later but I have really hurt John, I doubt he will ever talk to me again all because I can't open up so I f**k up! I've caused a load of crap within his family and as a lot of our friends are mutual I feel a bit lost. I kind of want to talk about it but when I went on facebook for about 15mins last night I got wound up with everyone asking me 'are you OK?' 'What happened?' The thing is a lot of the people that kept asking I'm sure they already know stuff but just wanna get the gossip! It's kinda pissing me off, the situation is bad enough without people doing Chinese whispers and blowing it all up to lies!

Basic outline is that me and John had been having arguments and then rather than talking about the underlying stuff we just said sorry and papered over the cracks, this had been going on a few months and each time it was getting worse and worse. I should have just walked away then but no, Kate can't do that! Then at the weekend it all came to a head, we had gone for a few drinks and had an argument and then as I'm drunk as soon as I look at alcohol I stupidly kissed the first person who was nice to me afterwards! Worst thing was is that it was his (step)brother and now it's tore everything apart. John is devastated and has told me he wants all his stuff back but he doesn't want to see me to get it back, he wants the engagement ring back as 'he isn't wasting £370 on someone like you(me.)' His brother has had to leave town as he was living with his dad and step mum (John's mum and step dad) and they have kicked him out and he hadn't long moved here and doesn't really know anyone apart from family here (who would rather hit him than put him up)

Anyway I don't have time to finish all this now so will do part 2 soon.