What Have I Learnt? (Part One)

Right you know when you where at school and you sat in the lesson learning and as you learnt things you thought you would never forget them, then fast forward and you need to recall the lessons you have learnt and POOF! it's disappeared!

Right well this is what I'm like with life, I make mistakes think I've learnt from them but then when put in same/similar situation I make the same mistake all over again! Apart from this time I've f**ked it all up for a lot of people!

I am now single once more and it's a very complicated situation which I will go into more later but I have really hurt John, I doubt he will ever talk to me again all because I can't open up so I f**k up! I've caused a load of crap within his family and as a lot of our friends are mutual I feel a bit lost. I kind of want to talk about it but when I went on facebook for about 15mins last night I got wound up with everyone asking me 'are you OK?' 'What happened?' The thing is a lot of the people that kept asking I'm sure they already know stuff but just wanna get the gossip! It's kinda pissing me off, the situation is bad enough without people doing Chinese whispers and blowing it all up to lies!

Basic outline is that me and John had been having arguments and then rather than talking about the underlying stuff we just said sorry and papered over the cracks, this had been going on a few months and each time it was getting worse and worse. I should have just walked away then but no, Kate can't do that! Then at the weekend it all came to a head, we had gone for a few drinks and had an argument and then as I'm drunk as soon as I look at alcohol I stupidly kissed the first person who was nice to me afterwards! Worst thing was is that it was his (step)brother and now it's tore everything apart. John is devastated and has told me he wants all his stuff back but he doesn't want to see me to get it back, he wants the engagement ring back as 'he isn't wasting £370 on someone like you(me.)' His brother has had to leave town as he was living with his dad and step mum (John's mum and step dad) and they have kicked him out and he hadn't long moved here and doesn't really know anyone apart from family here (who would rather hit him than put him up)

Anyway I don't have time to finish all this now so will do part 2 soon.