IV's and my Grandad

OK so I'm sure anyone with CF will know what I'm talking about when I say about some days just really knock the wind out your sails, you can have felt really healthy the day before and then BAM! Chest really hurts, extra coughing/coughing fit every few steps, just talking can make you breathless and all you want to do is skip to the next day, Thursday before last (14th) was one of those days although I hadn't felt healthy the day before. I had clinic and was pretty sure I needed IV's and was right, missed the first train coming back and then the next one was cancelled, I felt so tired that I kept just crying on the station and I really wanted to get home. Finally did after rather a while and then I wished I hadn't although it wouldn't have changed things. Earlier in the day my Grandad had suffered from a huge heart attack and passed away. I can't even begin to explain how hard those words were to hear, my Grandad was one of those people you expected to be around forever, despite been 77 he seemed to be the healthiest person in our family. He was very active and even though he was retired he still did odd building jobs for people, he was actually on his way to look at a job when he died. I still haven't got my head round the fact he is gone, silly little things like DIY jobs, I keep looking at little things and thinking 'ooh, I'll have to ask Grandad about that.' and then it hits me that I can't...



He was a short man, ab0ut 5", and my younger brother (6"3') used to jokingly lean on his head! Always worrying about something little but the big things used to go over his head. The best brickie in the town, not the fastest but got the job done to perfection. Always had a little invention, not the sort to make him rich but to make his jobs a whole load easier. Loved having a mobile phone but didn't have a clue how to use it, had to check with one of the grandkids if it was even charged. Wore clothes to bed (including trainers) cause he didn't like having the radiator on all night! Loved my Nan, wholely and unconditionally for over 50years and has left the biggest hole in her life, he was the biggest part of her life.

Life is so precious, so sacred, you never know when it is going to be taken from you... I really dont know what else to say right now...

Xmas, New Year and Jess.

Spain was wicked, loved waking up everyday and not having snow all around and having the kids there. Seeing Sofia face at the chocolate coins 'Santa' had left her leading from her room to her presents, and boy was there presents! Me and my dad had taken almost two full suitcases over from all my family. Marucs didn't understand the whole presents thing but he did love playing with his toys! Me being so clever managed to break my eflow as soon as I first went to use it... oh this reminds me of when I went to Corfu a few years ago and I was in hosp within a few days of been back, this time was 5days before I was put on IV's. I did buy an air compressor over there which was a blast from the past, slow and noisy, after 3days with no combivent it felt like heaven in my lungs!

As my Dad has a gym in his house I decided to try and run a bit (as no-one there to see me making a twat of my self) and was quite a good job as first time I fell off the back, I did get better in the time I was there and was running for 4mins by the end but OMG it hurt!! Anyway when I got back it my lung function was only down a further 1% so it must have done some good.

Whilst I was there the wonderful Jessica Wales finally got her transplant after more than 4years on the list. I had only spoken to Jessica a handful of times but she was one off those people who you couldn't help but admire, a real fighter, the sort of person who you expected to fight through everything, sadly after so long waiting her body was too weak to recover from such a huge operation and she passed away just a few weeks later. This hit me like a tonne of bricks, I never thought I would feel this way about someone I never met and hardly spoken to but it really did. Just a few days before I was talking to my flatmate about organ donation, I knew she wasn't on the donor list but I never pushed it, I know she isn't against been an organ donor but still... she is filling in her drivers license form at the moment and I said to her 'you are going to tick the box to be an organ donor aren't you? It's the quickest way to do it.' and she just sort of mumbled that she didn't want to think about dying, this did kind of annoy me a little but I just said to her 'Yeah but you spending two minutes thinking about it means someone could stop thinking about it' another mumble, I could see she was uncomfortable but pushed on telling her that not joining the list wouldn't mean she would live forever or that she wouldn't have a fatal accident just that it could mean potentionally two people could die. Anyway she has ticked the box but it got me thinking about people's perpectives about things, why would people think about stuff like that if they didn't have to? And how can we make people think about things? How can peoples perspectives be changed so more lives be changed?

I'm back

I finally have internet access! I have been looking at netbook/dongle combo's for quite a while now and yesterday I just went for it and am now the owner of a Samsung N140 netbook and a dongle from 3.

I have so much stuff I need to blog about, it's been a long, hard few weeks and I have a lot in my head, I will do a few update blogs over the next few days rather than stick everything in one long blog and I'll try and write these how I felt at the time rather than with hindsight. I don't know how well I will be able to do this but I'll try, it's weird how hindsight changes your perspectives. Perspective is kind of a buzz word for me right now but I will explain more about that later.

Anyway I have to go right now but I will try and do the first of these update blogs later.