OK so I'm sure anyone with CF will know what I'm talking about when I say about some days just really knock the wind out your sails, you can have felt really healthy the day before and then BAM! Chest really hurts, extra coughing/coughing fit every few steps, just talking can make you breathless and all you want to do is skip to the next day, Thursday before last (14th) was one of those days although I hadn't felt healthy the day before. I had clinic and was pretty sure I needed IV's and was right, missed the first train coming back and then the next one was cancelled, I felt so tired that I kept just crying on the station and I really wanted to get home. Finally did after rather a while and then I wished I hadn't although it wouldn't have changed things. Earlier in the day my Grandad had suffered from a huge heart attack and passed away. I can't even begin to explain how hard those words were to hear, my Grandad was one of those people you expected to be around forever, despite been 77 he seemed to be the healthiest person in our family. He was very active and even though he was retired he still did odd building jobs for people, he was actually on his way to look at a job when he died. I still haven't got my head round the fact he is gone, silly little things like DIY jobs, I keep looking at little things and thinking 'ooh, I'll have to ask Grandad about that.' and then it hits me that I can't...
He was a short man, ab0ut 5", and my younger brother (6"3') used to jokingly lean on his head! Always worrying about something little but the big things used to go over his head. The best brickie in the town, not the fastest but got the job done to perfection. Always had a little invention, not the sort to make him rich but to make his jobs a whole load easier. Loved having a mobile phone but didn't have a clue how to use it, had to check with one of the grandkids if it was even charged. Wore clothes to bed (including trainers) cause he didn't like having the radiator on all night! Loved my Nan, wholely and unconditionally for over 50years and has left the biggest hole in her life, he was the biggest part of her life.
Life is so precious, so sacred, you never know when it is going to be taken from you... I really dont know what else to say right now...
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Hugs my love!!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. My grandad was my favourite person in the world, like yours he seemed fit as a fiddle and used to walk everywhere he went. He had an anurism in his leg and died of a heart attack on the operating table. I still to this day miss him like mad, especially when I'm in the hospital - he used to bring me in a huge bag of pick n mix. If only our grandads could be around forever!!
Hugs Xxx
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