Issues and Tissues

I don't quite know how to explain this so bear with me... I've felt a bit weird these last few days, like my head is so full of thoughts it wants to explode. I don't feel the same now, it just seems to have melted away! I can't put it all down on paper (well laptop) because I can't really articulate whats swimming round my head that well, it's partially man things but that's not for this blog right now. Now something that I can give as a reason is people's attitude to life, I love my mates to death but sometimes their attitude drives me insane, I was talking to my flatmate (who is also my cousin) and we realised that even though we don't always see eye-to-eye we have the same life-is-too-short attitude. We share a lot of the same friends and they often hold grudges and the spend hours bitching over the same people and it's just like 'for god sake get over it!' I mean there is a lot of people I really don't like and I mean I really don't like them but day to day I don't even give them the time of day, if they piss me off I'll say what I have to say and then that's it! I just can't see where people have all this energy to be hating people, and the time, I'm not working at the moment and I couldn't find the time to dislike people this much, or maybe I could but I'd rather spend my non-CF treatment time doing better things! Next thing kinda sticking to the friend thing is that for some reason people think I'm agony aunt and that offloading all their problems on me is perfectly fine! Now I'm not been a grump here although it may sound it but I very rarely go to my mates when I have problems, probably less than once a month, but they always seem to be off loading their problems on me and although I do care it is hard to be caring when people are practically wanting me to live their lives for them and ringing me for advice on practically every decision bar what to use to wipe their arse with! Now I honestly can't see why they would want my advice for a start, I have a car wreck of a life and they just seem to call me at the wrong time, just as I'm about to start a neb or during physio. So the other day my head was so full of stuff swimming around and so when I woke up the other day with 5missed calls and had another 4 while doing my first neb I just turned my phone on silent and left it like that for a few days, my head was up my arse and I needed some space on my own to pull it out. That was a little bit of a rant but I needed to have it... sorry and I will breathe now! LOL

The other day as I was getting into the bath a wave of emotion hit me, I was thinking about different people who are waiting for transplants and how it's been nearly 10years since mine and a huge wave of tears hit me, tears of happiness for how lucky I was to be on the list for such a short amount of time and how well everything went after, tears of sadness for the fact that a family had to lose someone they loved so my family didn't, for the fact that there are so many people who never got the chance to have their transplant. Transplantation is such an emotive issue and I hope that most people never have to be on either side of the coin but at the same time I would hope that they would sign the organ donor register just in case the worst should ever happen!

Anyway now this post is going to take a complete turn around to Christmas! I am so excited already, my dad wants to spend it in Spain so he is paying for me to fly over on Xmas Eve and back here just after New Year. The past few years I have felt like crap at Christmas and been in Heartlands long after, mostly just into January, last year was on 29th Dec. This year I feel the best going into winter I have done for years though so I feel this is a good start!

Anyway I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open so this post ends here

Night!