Food Fears

Right so I said in my last blog I would explain a little more about my issues with food so here we are. To look at me you would think I didn't have any, I'm a very healthy weight, just over 24 on the BMI and I have a large appitite. But the dietian showed me a list of the foods I eat and there was only about 10things on it. I should go on that freaky eating show. My diet consists of toast, cereal, pasta, cheese, crisps, popcorn, pizza, yogurt drinks, choclate, tinned meatballs and wholemeal pitta breads... really not a lot else and the other stuff I do, it's not often. It's kind of repetitive and although it's all high calorie it's not very nutrious.

The worst thing is that I hate trying new things and things I don't like I'm actually kinda scared off, I hate banana, tomato, beans, mushroom, fish... there are lots of other things but they are the first 5 off the top of my head. Even just thinking about them is making my stomach turn. If my flatmate makes something with beans on and it's my turn to wash up I have to leave it, I know nothing will happen if I touch the juice or even a bean but it's a big like OCD, I get the feeling that something bad will happen, when I was working at the Co-op I could only touch banana's is when they where ripe and as soon as they had black spots on or if the skin was slightly split I just couldn't do it! If something is banana flavoured I will throw up or if I can smell it I start heaving. Weirdly I used to love beans and bananas when I was younger, bananas til about 6 and beans a bit longer. I don't mind tomato juice or puree but the lumps or chunks is what makes me cringe there, I can touch the lumps or chop up tomatoes those but I couldn't put them in my mouth same with mushrooms, I can touch them but not put them in my mouth. Fish is the the weirdest because mostly I feel the same way as beans or bananas but sometimes I will get a craving for it and have to eat some then about an hour after eating it the 'fear' thing will hit me in a wave and start throwing up loads and loads.

Next weird thing is even food I like if I decide that it won't taste nice or isn't prepared how I would like I can't bring my self to touch it, this poses the most problems with hospital food, I'm so glad just by Heartlands is a McDonalds, Subway, pizza place, chippy and there a few other I never been to, so I get some exercise and still eat in one hit.

Trying new foods, this is actually getting slightly easier, I have tried a few things at the chinese and have tried pidgeon meat (well tasty actually) and roasted butternut (not so tasty). Most of these things though I will only try once and even if I like them will never eat them again! Plus if I look at things and decide I don't like the look of something I won't be able to try it because... well it's like a fear thing, I think something bad will happen! It's crazy I know!

Last thing, well it's not but last I'm going to write about, (this is turning into a long blog!) is cravings, if I get a craving for something then I have to have it, if I don't then I will sit and obsess about it till I have it, I've known me crave thing for days before I've finally given in or I would have gone insane and needed the men in the white coats! This bit is the worst bit to my diabetes control because even if I craved a spoon of sugar I would go crazy if I didn't have it! I have never craved a spoon of sugar though, custard is one I crave quite a bit though and Twix bars.

I have been working with my dietians for a few months now to try and help this, to start with they were just trying to get the weight on me but now it's on and stable they want to address it as my nutricion is shocking and they are concerned about just how limited my diet is. Still however bad my diet is now it's definately a step up from before my transplant when I hardly ate at all and I never tried new stuff at all and anything I didn't like got projectile vomited across the room! Hopefully one day I will be able to eat normally and touch foods and stuff normally like normal people, although I doubt I will ever be normal though!