All Jumbled Up!

Right I'm going to start this post by saying it is going to be very random and (as the title says) very jumbled! I'm kinda using this post like the pensive in 'Harry Potter', somewhere to put my thoughts, look back over and try to make sense of them!

I've been thinking about my transplant a lot lately, and that so many people don't get their transplant and after seeing that little Ethan Collins passed away so soon after his transplant (RIP), it's just made me feel so lucky about mine, I obviously knew I was so lucky to have mine so soon but it's just really seems to have hit me just how lucky I was. I was on the list just 4weeks!! Home with in 14days and apart from a problem 2months later (a reaction between my anti rejection and antibiotic) I haven't had major problems and not even a hint of rejection in over 9years! I just wish everyone would sign the donor list... in an ideal world hey!

Now a few weeks ago when I was on IV's the euro millions jackpot was really high John made a comment that if we won he would buy me some new lungs. The weirdest thing is without even thinking I said 'I wouldn't want them, I'm happy with these for now!' and it's really got me thinking, I never thought I would defend my little lungs but even though they offer a home to undesirables they do still push through and keep me going. They aren't the best but for CF lungs they definitely aren't the worst! I just felt like I had to defend them even though normal I slate them myself! I think I may post about this on the CF forum, see if others have stood up for their lungs no matter how crappy they are!


Really not happy about this chest infection, and there is no denying I have one now. It's kinda given me a love/hate relationship with my port, before I went in for it I felt pretty fab and was feeling loads better after just a few days of orals and didn't really need IV's other than for the fact of it been inserted! Even though it's probably not really to do with the port I just haven't felt as good since, I've been on orals for a week tomorrow and I feel no better and I'm finding work more tiring than when I started back last week. I'm so used to bouncing back from everything, hmmm... I really can't add up my feelings about this, what I should be feeling and what I am feeling. I don't know!


I looked after my 8 month old goddaughter today and picked up her older brother from school (at the end of the road) she was so good and sleep most of the time but it was still so exhausting and then having to go to work after was awful. I felt really shattered and made mistakes. It has (this might not make sense because I really can't think how to word it) put things into a kinda head over heart situation for me. Just lately we have been thinking, with my LF going up and stuff, maybe children in the future where a possibility and now today has made me realise that I wouldn't be able to cope. It just hurts, I know girls who just get pregnant for more benefits and I'm not saying they don't love their kids but they just seem to take having kids so much for granted and... I really can't find the words to finish this, my head won't match words to what I feel and what I'm trying to say :-(